This post is from April 8, 2018
This week at mass the priest talked a lot about the power of words. Our faith is based on words and our ability to believe in something that we can’t physically see (although one can argue that the universe is pretty good about showing that there is a greater power that has a plan for us almost every day). In the movie “A Walk to Remember” one of the main characters, Jaime, compares faith and God to the wind. She can’t see it but she can feel it. This is partially due to the power of words and the faith that we have in them.
As of late, words have been playing an even greater role in my life than usual. So naturally, I wanted to share what I’m seeing and learning with y’all.
A negative word hurts. But I’m finding a kind word can have an even greater power. I’ve been feeling pretty low lately because I, for a split second, questioned moving so far from home. I was missing my family and friends and familiarity. I was missing bonding with my niece (who was born and she is everything, my goodness). I was missing being mobile in a way that requires knowing your surroundings in and out.
On top of that I was feeling inadequate at work. I know I’m not a shitty reporter. I understand that. But the job comes with people never being satisfied. Phone calls are stressful for me because people are not happy with the lack of coverage (because it’s a small town and there are only two of us reporters). On top of it, they’d moved up our deadlines and I was making what I deem to be stupid mistakes.
I was feeling pretty dejected.
Then the subject of an article sent me an email commending me for my coverage. Then it happened again yesterday.
I didn’t go into this career looking for glory. At all. If I wanted to go into a career for glory I would have pursued my mother’s dream and become a defense attorney for crooks and slimeballs.
Instead I went into this. To try and give a voice to others and tell the stories of those that society should know about in order to get a better understanding of humanity.
I knew I would get flack for possibly the content of my work. I wasn’t expecting nonsensical complaints though. Things I can’t change. Things I have very little to no control over.
However, to get simple affirmations from people I spoke to, was the greatest gift.
My language of love is words.
Now, am I “all better”? Not exactly. I have been blessed a lot this week. I am starting to feel a lot more at peace in my new home and I have been given my own investigation for the paper. I’m stocked.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I think I’m reaching the point in the relationship where the hot passion and excitement is over and now the parties have to figure out if there is an emotional, mental, spiritual, etc spark.
Side note: Aziz Ansari’s book “Modern Romance” is great and if you’re into an almost scientific look at love, it will be a good read. In it he talks about this passionate love to more mature love that I’m referring to.
I think we all get there. A new toy eventually loses its shine. However, there are some that we keep beside us at night anyway because we have a deeper connection to it.
Unfinished… and this ok.