Growth is understanding that self sabotage is real and that sometimes, it is your fault. But further reflection helps you understand that sometimes hurt people hurt others and sometimes hurt people hurt themselves as a form of punishment because they don’t think they deserve any better. I know I deserve better. I know I should…
Tag: update
Satisfied
I’ve started this blog post about three times now. But, as you can probably tell, I haven’t been satisfied enough to post it. I miss it. I miss writing my thoughts down. I know, subconsciously, that I haven’t been because if I start writing, I will also start crying and frankly I haven’t been in…
I am confusion
God is a funny funny immortal being. Just when I think, maybe, just maybe I can rest my mind and settle, He has a way of confusing me once again. I thought I was finally in a position to be happy with my job and my family life. I thought maybe things were lining up…
Ode to my rapper
I am in love. Yes. No, I’m not kidding. Love-love. That kinda crazy, you talk a little too much and you share your dreams type of shit. And I’m terrified. Gosh, I’m terrified. It’s real and I am scared shitless about giving myself to someone like I have been. He’s passed every test and checked…
Shower
Near my new(ish) apartment is a beautiful little park behind a school. 2 minute walk from me. In the center is a man-made lake with a small geyser that shoots out water. Sometimes it rotates and you’re showered with tiny water droplets that evaporate within seconds, even in the cold, since it’s such a small…
A philosophy of sorts
Sometimes you wake up and you look at yourself and you’re like, “Damn. I’m fly.” And it’s not just like you have a cute outfit on or your makeup is on point, it’s that you feel good about your insides and your actions and you may not know exactly what is going on at all…
Purest imagination
Sometimes when things are going so well, I get really scared. Like I’m terrified. Any moment, the proverbial shoe could not only drop it could sink into a deep black endless wormhole with no other side. Because when things are this good, it’s only a matter of time before my luck runs out. It’s happened…
“You’ve done a good job.”
My therapist said that to me this past week when I told her I was moving and would have to stop coming to see her. I’ve become one of those crazy bitches that shines a little brighter after finding out their therapist is proud of them. It’s been…a second? A minute? Awhile? All of the…
Spence
My therapist is encouraging me to be as genuine as possible in everything I do. So I’m trying to do that more. Just be a little more upfront. Y’all are probably thinking “Bitch, you’re always upfront. What are you talking about?” To which I would say, “Yes. On here.” Trying to do that a little…
Serenity Searching 