Growth is understanding that self sabotage is real and that sometimes, it is your fault. But further reflection helps you understand that sometimes hurt people hurt others and sometimes hurt people hurt themselves as a form of punishment because they don’t think they deserve any better.
I know I deserve better. I know I should surround myself with people who make me feel like a person worthy of their time.
For a really long time, I was worried I would be alone forever. Even with a partner, I think I thought I would always feel alone.
So I worked hard to surround myself with people. Even though I prefer being alone, I wanted to make sure that if ever I needed someone or changed my mind, it wasn’t like I suddenly I was in a field alone.
But I think I made a misstep. I don’t have to just have people for the sake of people. People are precious and who I give my time to matters.
It matters because I matter.
My thoughts, my emotions, my experiences, they all matter.
And I’m slowly but surely getting to a space of self respect where I don’t need to always be the person available for everyone but never myself, or the person who doesn’t get upset when people I need let me down.
I’m realizing that it’s not healthy to not be upset when things hurt my feelings.
Therapy is a wonderful thing, my friends.
But I matter.
And you do too.
We matter and understanding that means being kind to our emotions as we feel them. It means knowing that I don’t deserve trash behavior, especially from people who are supposed to care for me.