Thumb war

Everyone is different. Even those who you call “twin” are different from you. Siblings, even. You could have grown up in the same house, with the same parents and still be different. You can like the same music and have similar political views and there will still be millions of miles of difference between you.

My loves take over sometimes. Right now, my lover is my job. No, this has not always been the case. Right now things are a little topsy-turvy so I’m working a little harder and more often than not.

And I don’t just mean with the actual job. Things are (more so than usual, weirdly enough) more topsy-turvy within my mind. I know I’m turning to my profession as an escape method. I’m aware.

If I focus on this thing that I love to do, I don’t have to focus on the other stuff that’s bothering me.

But that doesn’t always bode well with relationships.

Likewise, when you make a connection and they have met you at this stage in your life and haven’t seen the years of trauma before, it confuses them. Annoys them. Frustrates them.

I am so much more than the words I say and the things I do today.

One’s experiences are part of a picture that is ever changing and ever growing.

I know I can be frustrating. But sometimes I wish others understood that I get frustrated and angry too. But I try my hardest to empathize first. Communicate first. Lash out or make brash requests second.

I’m being vague again, I know.

The weather is turning colder and the trees are almost about to get ready for their grand finale before they take a rest. I’m excited for the show.

But with that excitement are a couple tears that have subtly been on the rim of my eyes for longer than I can remember now.

Is this the right path? Is this job the right path, even though I love it? Are my friendships the right ones? How does one weigh out positives and negatives in one’s life? What circumstances get positive points and what circumstances subtract some points? What number am I working towards? How far do I have to go? What happens when I reach the desired number? Will I even know when I’ve reached it?

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