Happy almost new year! Have to say, no matter what this evening turned out to be (not exactly the plans I originally had but interesting and fun nonetheless), it is light years better than last year. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane…
The night was December 31st 2014. It was a Wednesday. My sweet sister and I lay paralyzed on the loveseat and couch, respectively, in our tiny living room. Paralysed because we had plans for the evening which fell through – we were suppose to attend an evening soiree (yes, soiree because that is the only way to describe our adoptive family’s crazy gatherings around the holidays) – and because we both mysteriously got sick and literally could not move without withering in pain (we later on realized that it was that Chinese food we had both consumed a few hours prior). We couldn’t move and even if we could, we had missed the party at that point. Both of us were also incredibly angry. I think I might have mentioned it earlier, but my relationship with my parents is not always (rarely, actually) sunshine and rainbows. My sister’s relationship with them is about the same. They had managed to make both of us angry at the time. The cherry on top of all of this anger, frustration and sadness (there may or may not have been some self pity on my part too) was that we didn’t even have cable so we couldn’t even watch the ball drop or see any of the performances (by the hosts I mean). Suffice to say, last new year’s eve was horrible. It kind of set up the tone for the entire year. The next day, my nephew also got food poisoning. Unlike my sister and myself, he wasn’t potty trained (he wasn’t even one year old yet) so there was just poop and vomit everywhere for a week. This continued with him getting sick every few weeks the entire year. Throughout this year, as you can tell from my posts, I have been angry. I have been sad. I have been frustrated. I have been heartbroken. And it all started with the bad Chinese food.
This year, my sister is at a party with her friends – something she deserves more than anyone else in the whole wide world. I am babysitting my nephew who sat quietly for hours and played and then went to bed half an hour ago. I also got to dance around with him and just be happy. Most importantly, however, no one had food poisoning. I am ready for the new year. I don’t know what God has in store for me (hopefully something better than last year) but I’m ready.
I’m doing new year’s resolutions this year but on this list of demands I have for myself I am also putting down how I want to feel and how I want to grow as a person in this new year:
— I want to follow my heart more. Fuck what everyone else tells me. I want to make decisions not because they are endorsed by others or are frowned upon. I want to do things that will make me happy – even if that means putting the happiness of others before mine. That is who I am. Being manipulative or telling half truths because it’s what everyone else is doing to keep themselves from “getting hurt”, that’s not going to fly this year.
— I want to walk around by myself at least twice a week just because I can. Introverts gain energy by being alone – sometimes in a crowd of people they don’t know. I am going to be the Energizer Bunny in 2016.
— I will learn to dance. Like nobody’s watching…but also still good. Going to watch a lot of YouTube videos.
— I will find my sister a house to live in. She deserves a house.
— I will gain my happiness not from boys but from myself. Essentially, I will love myself more than I will think about the men in my life. (Sidenote: this one is going to be particularly hard because I am going abroad to Australia for a semester and I love accents…gahhh….)
— Write more blog post 😉
See you in 2016, Stranger. Peace and love your way and cheers to a new year.